A New Turn In My Journey

Well, it's the end of the semester. I know that I haven't written since September, but so much has happened since then. My journey has taken a whole new turn that a few months ago, I did not see coming. For so long, I've been waiting, and I'm still waiting, but not for the same thing. I've been waiting so long for my Prince to come. But in October, I realized that my wait was over. Because he finally found me. For years, I have wondered where he was, and if he would ever find me. Well, now he has. And I've found him. And the funny thing is, he's been around since I started writing this blog in the first place. He's sat beside me in Music Theory 1 and 2, he's been near me in Fall Chorale, I'm in two bands with him, I've been in Music History with him, I went to banquet with him, and I'm in Spring Chorale with him. He has become my best friend, and now we have started to go on a journey together, one that is meant to last a lifetime. The beginning of this journey will have rough patches, but I am convinced that he is who I will spend the rest of my life with. I wouldn't be dating him if I didn't think that one day, I'm going to marry him. I've thought about the whole idea of dating, and my conclusion is that dating is supposed to be the first step towards marriage. And on October 30th, we started that journey. Over a year ago, I made a list of characteristics that have to be in the man that I marry one day, characteristics that are necessary to be a good and godly husband, and he had met those characteristics. As I have spent time with him, I have really gotten to see his heart in important areas of life, and let me tell you, he has such a beautiful heart. He has a deep passion for things that I have a passion for, the biggest things being a deep desire to know God more, and a passion for music. He treats me so well. He is such a gentleman. When I am with him, I really do feel like a lady that is worth being treated as well as he treats me. He shows me his love for me in even the tiniest of ways. I really do love him, more than words can describe. That's the hardest part, I think. I can't fully tell him how much I love him because there are no words that can do it justice. But then again, he tells me the same thing. But we both know that we love each other deeply. So, what does this mean for this blog. This doesn't mean that it will end. I won't be writing quite as much (even though I haven't been writing a whole lot lately anyway), but I will try to update it every now and again to tell you about our lovely journey. Adam, if you get around to reading this, I love you so much, sweetheart, and I'm so happy to be on this journey with you. <3

(Note: If you, my lovely readers, could be keeping me in your prayers, that would be much appreciated. I would've written more in this, but I didn't because I had to write this whole blog out with one hand because I have most likely sprained my right wrist, which makes certain things really difficult for me, especially for my conducting class. Thanks for the prayers!)

Tonight, I'm feeling rather lonely...

It's the time of banquet asks here at Bryan, and though I have been asked to banquet by one of my best guy friends here, and I just finished helping my "brother" do his epic banquet ask for my roommate, I can't help but feel...well...lonely. During the ask, we passed by a young married couple here at Bryan, and they were taking pictures together. It was so sweet. Here I am, sitting in my room, skipping out on watching Hoodwinked because I said I was going to do homework...and I ended up here. Now I admit, I haven't written anything on here in quite a while, so I kind of owe it to whatever readers I do potentially have to update this every once in a while, but as I pulled up my homework list, I just started feeling this sad, alone feeling. And I'm not completely sure why.

Yes, I feel like Kenshin here, except my word is "nyaa?" and not "oro?"

At the end of the summer, I was very confident in my singleness. I'm like, "Oh, what now? I'm single. I'm waiting patiently for my future spouse, enjoying the friendships that I have and thinking about my future man by not being stupid and dating around. HOORAY SINGLENESS!!!!!" But now I'm back at Bryan, with familiar faces, and the familiar feeling of, "Well, the guys here are so awesome. It would be nice to have a boyfriend. And hey, I have a really good chance of finding him here anyway." I mean, let's face the facts here. I am a sophomore in college now. I'm still technically a teenager, being 19, but 3 months from today, I will be 20 years old, and I've been single this whole time. Never once had a boyfriend, and most of the guys that have taken an interest in me, I just didn't like them back, and it definitely wouldn't have worked out. Most of the guys that I have liked, they saw me as just a friend or a sister, but nothing more. Being thought of as a sister by the amazing ones and being liked by the ones that wouldn't work. You starting to see the pattern here? It makes it seem like I'll never ever find anyone. That I will continue to be liked by the wrong person, and that I'll continue to start liking the wrong guys and end up being just a friend/sister. Is this really going to be the pattern in my life? To live a life of never finding that one guy that will sweep me off my feet, and never share in the adventure of life and pursuit of God with him?

Is this my future?

I don't want to think that it is. I know that God has a plan for us, and sometimes in that plan, it means singleness for life...but I don't want that. I'm a girl. Naturally, I want to find a man. Someone who will take care of me, love me like no one else on the earth will, be a support for me, and be my best friend in the whole world. I want to believe that I will one day have my happily ever after. But the questions are: When will it come? Will it ever come? And then doubts start to sink in and I think, "No, you fool. Look at the pattern of your life so far. It's never going to happen. You're never going to get your happily ever after." And I can guarantee that I'm not the only one who thinks this. 

I've been good with keeping my feelings in check. I see all of my guy friends as just that: my epic guy friends. Two get the special title of "brother" and "big brother" because they are just that special to me. But that is the extent of it. And why? Because I am trying my hardest to guard my heart and not get too emotionally involved to the point where I will get hurt in the "like/love" department. I know how it feels, and trust me, it's painful. I don't want to have to experience that ever again. So I've kept myself from having feelings for anyone. But...what will happen if I fail and start liking someone? I certainly can't tell them how I feel. I believe that it's up to the guy to make the first move, not the girl. Will it end up in the same way that the pattern has been happening? That I am just like a sister to them? Or that I am just a really awesome gal friend and that is the extent of it? I'm sick of this cycle and just want it to break. I want to finally like someone, and it end up being the right person. When can I finally feel like the princess, being rescued by my prince charming?

No chance. No way. Exactly how I feel.

I don't know. Maybe I'll get my happily ever after one day. Until then, I guess I've just got to be patient and wait for it. God will be my comfort when I get so tired of waiting, and I can go to my gal pals for support as well. My dear, sweet prince charming, if you ever happen to read this...could you maybe hurry up and get here? I'm waiting for you, but it's incredibly difficult. I want to go ahead and meet you and hug you and know that I have finally found you. Maybe I have found you but just don't know it. But I can't know it until it's made known to me who you are. So...until then, I'll be here waiting for you like I have been.

~Katherine Grace

Not Alone In This Wait...

So, I was talking with a guy friend of mine the other day. While we were talking, I was asked a question that was something like this: "Do you find yourself thinking a lot about marriage and loving someone so much you would marry them?" This coming from a guy, I was thrown off. I hadn't been expecting that, but I told him that I did. Quite a bit. I don't know if everything I told him was of any help to him....but to be honest, it felt nice to be able to talk about this kind of thing with a guy. It shows me that guys think about this just as much as girls do.

Waiting is tough. I think everyone knows this. But it's one thing to know this and another thing to have to go through the waiting process. I know for me, it's a hard thing. Being at Bryan, I have very many amazing, godly guy friends, and it can be a struggle to see them as just friends sometimes. So far, I think I've done very good with this. I don't have a "crush" on anyone. They are all my amazing guy friends who I love like brothers in Christ, and right now, that is enough for me.

It can be hard, though, to comprehend what it will be like when I find my prince, or even better, when my prince finds me. How hard it can be to think that someone will love me for me, and will love me so much that they will want to spend the rest of their life with me. It seems so strange, but yet, hopefully, if it's in God's plans for me, I will have the person in my life.

This post is kind of short, but I just felt like posting my thoughts about this. Knowing that my guy friends think about this kind of thing too makes me feel a little less girly (which I like.....can't stand feeling so girly sometimes :P lolz). Well, that's all for now. Hopefully, I'll write again soon.

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." -Dr. Seuss

~Katherine Grace~

The Language of Love

So, I realized that it's been over a month now since I've written here......sorry about that. :P I feel so horrible....

Yeah, like this. :P

So, I'm on Spring Break. And I'm not at home. :O I am in Maryland with my epic friend, Lauren. :D You know one of the best things about break? It's that I've had a break from people I know that belong to the male part of the species. :P Now, don't get me wrong, I love them all very much, but I just needed a break, you know? To get my head on straight and be able to think clearly and not have clouds of misjudgment over my head because my head is confused by boys. :P (But for any of you guys out there who happen to read this, I have missed you guys a lot this week. ^_^)

Isn't Boo just adorable?!?!?! ^_^

So, I've had time to think, but I've also had time to read as well. My friend Yoyo lent me this book that she said would be good for me to read. It's called "The Five Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman. Now, normally I would probably recommend this kind of book to almost anyone, but I don't think I can recommend it 100% to my single friends out there since the subtitle of this book is "How To Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate". :P Yeah, the examples used in this book are married couples, but if you want to learn about love languages, by all means, read it if you want. :)

There it is, for those interested.

Anyway, even though I'm the farthest thing from being married (you know, being single and all), I did learn something from this book. Love languages. For those who don't know, there are five main love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Each one is how one expresses love/knows that they are loved. And I think I've found out mine: Physical Touch. I love getting hugs, and one of the best things a person can do for me when I am really sad is to just hold me. Those are just a few hints that I think lead me to knowing that my love language is Physical Touch. :)

I know the one thing that I know is going to be a fun job for me is to find out what the love language is of my Prince. Maybe I'll get lucky and his love language will be Physical Touch as well. :D But maybe it won't. And if so, I'm gonna have to find out what it is so I can speak his language, and that will be a fun experience. ^_^

Now that I'm done reading this book, I am quite tempted to pick up another book that I've read in the past, but it would be worth it to read it again. It's called "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I have read this book twice now, but I'd be totally willing to read it again. It is such a good way to show how waiting on God and giving Him the pen to your love story is totally worth it. It definitely helped me give the pen over to God. Now, granted, there are times when I struggle and try to take the pen back, but every time I've let go and let God have full control. And I know that by giving Him control, He will write a beautiful love story for me.

And here this is, for those interested.

This is a great book for girls and guys. Trust me, especially since it's written by both of them. :D I would suggest this to anyone I know.

Well, that's pretty much all I have for right now. I will write again when inspiration strikes. And, to my Prince, I still look forward to the day that we can be together, forever.

P.S. Oh, also, I got a new promise ring! :D Now people won't think I'm engaged anymore since it looks nothing like an engagement ring. ^_^ It looks sort of like this....

Yeah, something like this.

~Katherine Grace~

Edit: Okay, so I actually took a love language test made by Dr. Gary Chapman, and guess what? I was close in what my primary love language is, but not quite right. :P Shows how much I really know myself. My primary love language is actually Quality Time. Thinking about it makes sense actually. Though I must say that a close second was Physical Touch, so it's all good. :) I don't know who actually reads edits, but whatever. :P ^_^

February 8th: A Day I'll Never Forget

February 8th, 2010. A day of heartbreak, of sadness and sorrow, of tears and pain, of the world seeming to come to an end, of never knowing if I could trust or "love" again. What do you do when you like a guy, and then all of a sudden, you realize that the one that you like is far from who you not only want but need? Well, this happened to me.

I had fallen for a guy. I think the main reason for this is that I had been separated from a very dear friend and "brother" by unfortunate circumstances (I blame wrestling) and during that mourning time, he was very kind to me. That is one thing that I easily fall prey to is kindness shown to me when I am sad. Over the next month or so, we found out that he liked me and I liked him, but we did keep it at that for the most part. He would send me song lyrics. This might not seem very important, but for me, song lyrics really mean a lot to me (me being the music lover that I am). Everything seemed to be going great......and then, near the end of January, everything suddenly exploded.

Apparently, I couldn't think for myself. This is a lot of things put into one phrase. I was so stressed out over the humongous fight that I was sick for over a week. Whenever I would try to eat something, it...well, you probably get the idea. The only highlight of that eight day period was going to a scholarship weekend at Bryan College (and meeting my big brother Tim in the process). On February the 8th, everything ended. I cut all ties (other than the obvious having to see him at school).

February 8th, 2010. A day of heartbreak, of sadness and sorrow, of tears and pain, of the world seeming to come to an end, of never knowing if I could trust or "love" again. What do you do when you like a guy, and then all of a sudden, you realize that the one that you like is far from who you not only want but need?

I found out what to do. When your world seems to fall apart, there is only one thing that you really can do. When you've kept crawling and crawling and just can't move anymore,you have to lean on Christ, let Him carry you instead.

And that's what I did.

Now, a year later, I look back on those events, and I have only one thing to say. My dear, wherever you are, I can't wait to meet you. Until then, I will try, with Christ's help, to not fall prey to this again. I will be waiting for you, my love.

~Katherine Grace~

Someday My Prince Will Come...But When?!?!

Well, it's time for some more pondering on love, romance, boys....you know, that kind of thing. I tell you what, this wait for my prince to arrive sure is a long wait. o_O Sometimes I wonder if he got lost. That he's out there somewhere trying to come to me, but he lost his sense of direction and, being a guy, is too stubborn to ask for directions because he thinks he can get here himself. He's like a phantom. You know he's real, but you don't really know where or who he is.

You look for him, and look for him, and sometimes you think that you've found him. You search and search and think this one person might be it. You seek him here and there, you seek him everywhere, and think that yes, he's him. But alas, he's not the one. The One that you seek is, well, elusive.

Yes, he is so hard to find. Or at least, he's hard to wait for. But I know that when he finds me, that we won't be separated until death do us part. He'll be my best friend, the one I can rely on. I won't have to worry about betrayal with him, because he will always be there for me, no matter what. He will be a loyal husband. I know that in my life, I have always said that I want to be a Samwise Gamgee for my friends, to stick with them through thick and thin and help them when they need me the most. This is still true....but when I am united with the Prince that God has for me, I wouldn't mind being Frodo sometimes, cause I know that I'll go through hard times and I'll need someone to help carry me when I can't go on.

You know what I find really appealing? Being old-fashioned. Where the guy doesn't ask you out on a whim. He gets to know you first and then later decides that he would like to date, or even court you. Courting would be even better than dating actually. I like it when the guy asks permission from the dad to be able to court/date his daughter, not how it is today and ask the girl, and then she just tells the parents without trying to get approval from the parents. When he acts like a gentleman, like not letting you walk alone in the dark, even for shorter distances, opening the door for you when you get in a car or go into a building, treating you with the respect that you deserve...like in a Jane Austen novel.

I hope that he has a good sense of humor. Honestly, it would be a sad day if he isn't able to make me laugh. I absolutely love laughter. It is one of the things that can get me through hard times. If you see me sad, one of the best things to do is just act like a complete idiot and get me to laugh. There are rare instances that I just won't laugh, but that is, as I have just said, rare. But, he also needs to know how to be serious. When I am not in a laughing mood, to just be there, do almost whatever necessary to help me make it through a hard situation. To actually care about my feelings. Have a heart, apologize when he is in the wrong, and forgive me when I am in the wrong. Also, to be willing to risk anything for me. Whether it is big or small, even his life. Cause I know that I will be willing to risk everything for him. Even to give up my life to save his. And I would hope he would do the same thing.

Something that I have learned over the years is to "never judge a book by its cover." I know that this is very important. One thing that I have always said is that my Prince doesn't have to be the perfect looking guy - thin, muscular, supermodel. No, I don't really care about those things. What I care about most is what is on the inside, not the outside. For me, if the inside is beautiful, then I can see it on the outside. By seeing a person's inner beauty, their outside is also beautiful, because that is how God made them. So what if my Prince isn't a supermodel? I don't care. I would rather him not be. Whatever he looks like, I will love him with all my heart.

I think the number one thing that is a given for the One for me is this: to actually be a Prince. This is what I mean. I am a Christian. I believe in God, that he sent his son Jesus down to earth to save you and me, and that now I am a child of God. Since God is the King of Kings, this makes me a Princess. My guy has to be a Prince. Saved by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and puts God above all things, even me. God should come first, and I come later. I am royalty, so my future should be royalty as well.

Ever since I started getting really into The Lord of the Rings, there has been one thing that I have really wanted to do. I know that it is really cliche, but for me, it means something important. I have always wanted the Evenstar necklace. In case you don't recognize the name, it is the necklace that Arwen gives to Aragorn.  On my wedding day, either while I'm standing at the altar or maybe a little while afterwards, I want to give that necklace to my husband. A question was brought up to me the other day, "Why not get a different necklace and just do the same thing with that?" I though about that, and here is my answer. Using the Evenstar necklace has so much meaning to me than just giving a necklace to my husband. In The Lord of the Rings, that necklace was a symbol of Arwen's immortality, and she gave it to him because she was willing to give up anything for Aragorn, even her immortality. This symbol is just so powerful to me, so I want to, in a sense, recreate it in real life.

Well, I think I'm going to go to bed now....It's getting close to three in the morning and I have to be up by eight to get ready for church. :P I bid you all goodnight, and to my Prince, I still eagerly await for your arrival so we can be together. Forever.

~Katherine Grace~

Will You Still Love Me?

So, it's really really early in the morning, and my mind is working, so it's time to write a little bit. :P So, here is my thoughts tonight...or maybe this morning. In my wait for the one for me, I wonder how in the world someone will be able to love someone as flawed as me. I am not perfect in the least. I mean, really. I'm not the perfect build, I have overbite. I am really time conscious and I don't have the best self image of myself. I can be very lazy at times and I'm afraid of betrayal. I find myself to be annoying at times, and I make so many mistakes. And yet, through all that, someone can love me so much that they would be willing to be with me for the rest of their life? It's such a confusing concept for me sometimes since I've never had the chance to experience anything close to this love, at least from someone here on earth. Oh well, I guess one day I'll experience it and finally understand. That's all I really wanted to say. Good night, and to my Prince, I look forward to our meeting and loving each other one day.